I have been a believer for as long as I can remember and as such, I have heard countless, inspiring, uplifting testimonies of how great our God really is (and have experienced such in my life). But, most testimonies, start with “my life was alright, it got worse, I found God, now life is roses”. No one talks about the “ugly” that still remains behind. The ugly that rears its head even though you feel so focused and on fire for Christ. My biggest “ugly” is my temper and some days, just the slightest thing sets it off. The other day I took Tobs up to McDonald’s for breakfast. Upon getting in the car, I found our driver’s seat would not move. I fixed (I thought) and off we went. Reaching the golden arches, we happily bounced in, repeated our order about 4 times (still they got it wrong) and back out to the car we went where, surprise, the seat did NOT want to move. I fussed and fumed and finally gave up, left the seat where it was, drove home, and promptly stormed into the house yelling and swearing (horrors, a Christian who swears). It’s a nasty habit and one I will break with the power of Christ. I buried myself in my bed and had a good old fashioned temper tantrum then trundled out, ate my breakfast, and was promptly rewarded with a toothache that gave way to a 3-day headache (thank the Lord for snow days).
It was not even the chair not moving that I was angry with. I have a dear friend who has gone through a LOT in her young life and she is dealing with more heartache. I was angry because this girl has such a bright spirit and a warm heart (and a TON of patience) and a strength that comes from facing the darkest of demons. I railed at God about how can He make her suffer even more than what she already has, doesn’t she deserve some peace and happiness?
I still don’t have the answers as to why others must suffer, other than the way someone explained it me once. God bring you through the storm so that when another is facing a similar storm, you have the tools you need to guide them through.
I hate my “ugly” and I strive every day to break the bad “habits” that I currently have. I try to step in faith every day so that my “ugly” stays tucked away where she belongs.