Grief has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it. The smallest, insignificant, thing, can set you off. Today, I was grocery shopping when my sweet Eli decided to throw a temper tantrum. I hustled him out to the car where he sat with his Auntie while I shopped. It was insane in the store. People every which way I turned, and I just wanted to be out in the fresh air. Finally, I am at the check-out line and some jerk had the gall to be rude to me. In pure Aly fashion, I gave it right back to him. This is an ugly habit of mine and one that is proving almost impossible to break. Once in the car, I lowered my head and sobbed for my Father who would have laid the guy out flat for hurting his princess. I miss him terribly and not a day goes by where I feel his spirit around me. It is comforting, yet sad because it is not the same as a hug (and he gave the best hugs). For the rest of the day, I was increasingly short-tempered and barely held it together. I dropped off the groceries, scooped up Tobs and delivered him to his best friend’s house. I was blessed to have a nice visit with his best friend’s Mom. Then I began my drive home. I turned on my music and at one point “Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlisle came through the speakers. I danced with my Dad to that song at my wedding. I immediately pulled over and finally had a good, solid, ugly, soul-wrenching cry. Once that was done, I took a deep, shaky, breath and headed home where I made BLT’s and handled some “Mom” stuff such as catching up on e-mails. Now I am finally settled in my bed and while my heart still hurts, it hurts just a tiny bit less.
To those that have lost a loved one: keep the faith, live your life, keep busy, but take time to grieve. If you take the time to grieve, you get the time to heal and to figure out how to go on without your loved one beside you. It is so very important to accept the grieving and even more important to accept the healing.